Maa Tujhe Salaam

Must admit that we men have it easy. My six months as a father have been far easier that wifey's six as a mother.
It's incredible to keep your spirits up when forty winks are what you get instead of sleep, when you are worrying about the baby's next feed while you have fever @ 104 degrees, bathing her, making sure she gets her dose of vitamins and not forgetting that Mommy needs to take her Iron & Calcium too.
While I like to think that I do help and at other times justify not doing enough by thinking that we both have our roles to play; the fact of the matter is that all that I've done or been through does not add up to a tenth of the emotional drain this has been on her.

Over the past six months I have watched her juggle being a mother, a wife, a daughter, a daughter-in-law and re-establishing credentials at work with amazement.

And now as Mithi starts to utter what sound like words there is one constant fear (despite a lot of hope) that the first word that she'll say is "Papa" instead of "Mama". Just in case she does here's a huge IOU on her behalf. For all that you've gone through...Maa Tujhe Salaam!

Back on demand to close this piece are a few lines from a recent song by ASHANTI
"I would never let a tear fall from your eyes,
cause everything you are to me,
I could never let you hurt inside,
You mean so much and I'm so thankful that your in my life,
And I appreciate your love and all sacafice,
Without you by my side,I never could survive,
I wouldn't be the woman standing here before your eyes,
...You have given me life and I just want you to know,
that you're the reason I'm here today I will never let go,
To everything that we shared and nothing can compare
I thank you, I thank you, I thank you is what I'm saying.
...See I've been blessed to be raised by a woman so strong,
Cuz even when I did things wrong,
you would show me just the way that I should carry on.
You kept me safe and you protected me with all you had,
and anytime I was in need you gave your very last
Without you by my side, I never could survive,
I wouldnt be the woman standing here before your eyes.
....Said I thank you and I love you,
And I will never ever place no one above you.
Said I thank you and I love you,
and I will never ever place no one above you.
See you have given me life and I just want you to know,
that you're the reason I'm here today I will never let go,
to everything that we shared and nothing can compare
I thank you, I thank you, I thank you is what I'm saying."

Cozy Corners

Have you ever attended one of those workshops meant for team building? If you are a salaried professional with over 2 years of experience chances are you have, perhaps more than once.

Attended a workshop (again!!) last week that initiated my thought about how much or how little the team building achieves beyond the usual.

Typically, these workshops place you into a group. Would like to believe some science that gets put in while the groups are being formed and of course "randomness" is a scientific explaination. I have observed over several such workshops that there is a fair amount of bonhomie and banter while the groups are new or while they are in the midst of "team-assignments". The sad part however, is the fact that the moment there is a break, people like kids in kinder-garten run to the folks from their "own-gang".

Now the question is whether such exercises really facilitate better understanding between the larger "Team" by building new bridges that are desired for organisational good or do they just help put some more concrete on to the old one?

Why is it that people resist venturing out and building one more bridge? Is it because the comfort the trodden path offers is too welcoming? Why do most such exercises end up as corridor pleasantries which too subside over time?

Here, I would like to introduce a concept of the New Kid on the Block (NKOTB), when confronted with a situation most people stand by the sidelines and watch other kids play waiting for that one acknowledging smile;hoping someone would come up and pull them in. There are few however who themselves walk across and announce themselves or by virtue of their talent/skill manage to attract the attention of the others (remember roller-skating,cycling or hitting the hoops to be the major wows when I was a child).

Getting back..the reason I feel people rush back to their "gangs" is that they do not want to go through the process of "establishing credentials" time and again. Once they've done so with a certain set of people they'd rather deal with those set of expectations rather than manage new ones. Guess these gangs are like those warm blankets (my female friends would get the analogy), their corner of the room where they are secure...their cozy corners.

And now here's my take ..... The Theory of Comfort
As an individual ages and matures the social circle expands forming 4 distinct pockets (see image)
1)Family

2)Residence

3)Education and

4)Work
Within each of these pockets one gets to interact and associate with several others (degrees of separation taken into account) who then over a period of time settle at different levels of proximity (and these distances do change over time). The closest set in each of these pockets are what I call the "Cozy Corners". When put into situations individuals do venture deeper (either on their own initiative or others-refer NKOTB concept above) into these pockets; sometimes to add members and sometimes to replace. The guiding factor being the permanancy of this situation.

To sum up, workshops and the team assignments within them represent short-term situations consequently while people do establish linkages with new people they quickly come back to the comfort of their cozy corners and stay there till a more permanent situation confronts them.

Food for thought for all the consultants and folks who specialise in the area of people dynamics.