Everything at Once

What do the words Vision, Mission, Objective, Goal mean to you?

Well, for most of us from the corporate world this would be the mumbo jumbo that leaders speak of and the wordsmiths of the corporate world spend hours, weeks or even months trying to craft to perfection.

During our professional journeys all of us have been subjected to these terms a zillion times. Nevertheless, the words fail to leave a mark on us as individuals. The question that is begging to be asked is why do most(yes I am risking the generalisation) of us not have a thought through, well crafted mission statement for our lives personal or professional.

Let's start from the beginning.

Our first conscious decision making is all based on a set of instructions that we would have assimilated right from the time we are born. If one be critical, these are typically instructions on WHAT NOT TO DO rather than WHAT TO DO. All of them well intentioned but imagine being at the receiving end of a constant barrage of "Don't touch that" or "Don't go there" or "Don't eat that".

This is the phase in life that I'd term Early Consciousness.

And thus we build our decision making capabilities.

(See that wiggly yellow line .....the curve depicts our learning and while we are on explanations; the red curve shows the potential of the decision to impact our life to follow).

Moving on, the scenario improves a bit during the scholastic years wherein the instructions revolve around the "do this" or the more mild mannered "you should not". Perhaps some understanding of consequences gets ingrained during this phase. A step forward in enabling the decision making abilities. One is encouraged to make choices and take decisions however, the reward/consequence is immediate in nature. "Get 95% in boards and you can choose Sciences" or "Join XXX tutorials and you can make it to a good engineering/medicine college" or "Make this CGPA and you can ensure a good placement".

This phase is what I'd term Carrot & Stick.

All this while our ability to make informed decisions is improving with all the... ahem! education. Mind you nobody has yet said or discussed anything about those words that I mentioned right up front. But basis all the inputs and the time that lies ahead of you this would be the best time (A) to sit back and plan forward. Truth is no such thing happens.

Next comes the phase that I call Sunshine & Hay. The acid test for all that we have learnt.

Sadly, this is also where the dumbing down phase where the horses with blinkers learn to focus on Targets which I daresay are not very long term. This is the phase one is really slogging to appease. Those of us that happen to be in organisations where HR means more than recruitment and payroll get our first glimpses of goals and performance assessments. Discussions are held where the chain of command kicks in and from top down the "what the hell are we trying to do" pitch is amplified into the vision, mission, strategy, plan highfalutin. This is around the time (B) where we still have enough time to figure out the what and where part of our life. However, we are too busy blowing up the new found riches.

Mondays roll into Mondays while slowly (for most) but surely (sadly not for most) you are making your way up some corporates ladder. The mighty HR meanwhile, basis all the reviews and discussions over the years puts you on a development and skill renewal path winding its way through several workshops, trainings and online courses all decided by some mystical algorithm.

One fine day, you land up in a "leadership" workshop and at the back of your mind you are thinking "I have arrived".  And then...reality hits you. A gentle prod at first...you look up and see there isn't enough space on top; you look around and say "Hmmm these guys are vying for the same thing". Then, reality really shakes you up. You look back and say to yourself "Where did all the years go?"

You are almost 40 and at point (C). In a position to lead without a strong idea as to why or how you got where you got to or for that matter, whether this is the place you wanted at all to get to.

So now, at a point in life where both the yellow and red worms are getting limp; you have got to remember all that you've learnt, comprehend it, figure whether you have come to the right place, regardless think of a way forward, plan your approach and implement it. Everything at once!!

Problem is, the only phase that you have ahead of you is Reflection.

Life in a Cliché

 

I love to catch the morning sun in my eye
Always believed theres a cloud with the silver lining somewhere in the sky
I long to catch the winter morning breeze
When it rains I relish the sight of the washed green leaves

Yes there's a rainbow somewhere with a pot of gold
For every ending there's a story still untold
I know that good things come to those who wait
That there will come a day when all the work is finished or when it is not too late

I still feel the bitter truth is better than a lie
That belief is in saying why not rather than why
Wisdom is not in holding on but letting go
When the tide is against you its better lying low

In my life I have not loved wisely but loved deep
Never made promises I could not keep
Always tried to disguise my despair as patience
Looked forward to the journeys and not the destinations

Chosen life (Well...considering the alternative !)
Thank you Lord for all the mercies
Whenever I look back at my life
I would love to have LIVED it just like the cliche!

Rang (रंग)

इस रंग बदलती दुनिया से

हमने भी थोड़ा सीख लिया

कुछ दुनिया से  हमने रंग लिया

और खुद को थोडा बदल लिया

कभी किस्मत ने हमको गिरा दिया

तो कभी वक़्त ने हमें सता दिया

सब सोचें हमको क्या मिला

हम सोचें कितना जान लिया

जाने पहचाने चेहरों को

भीतर से पढना सीख लिया

सच और झूठ के फेरों में

काले को कोरा कहना सीख लिया

कुछ खुद को थोडा बदल लिया

कुछ दुनिया को हमने रंग दिया

इस रंग बदलती दुनिया से

हमने भी थोड़ा सीख लिया

Yaadein

कुछ  यादें  एक  खलिश  सी  होती  हैं 

बरसों  दिल  में  सुलघ्ती  रहतीं   हैं

दबती  छुपती  तो  हैं  मगर  दहकती  रहतीं  हैं

बीतते  सालों  का  मरहम  पा  के  भी  दर्द  देती  हैं 

गुज़रा  वक़्त  सब  कुछ  भुला  नहीं  देता 

मन  में  बसा  चेहरा  धुन्दला  नहीं  देता

तेरी  मुस्कान  दिल   में  अभी  भी  गूंजती  हैं

ये पलकें  आज  भी  तुम  को  ढूँढती  हैं

तुम्हे  याद  कर  यह  आँखें  दो  बूँद  और  रो  देती  है

नहीं  लिखा  था  शायद  साथ   तुम्हारा 

होगी किसी  खुदा  की मर्ज़ी  पर  हमें  नहीं  है  गवारा 

गलती  तो  खुदा  से  भी  होती है

यादें  आ  आ  कर  बस  येही  सदा  देती  हैं

What (not) to expect when your are expecting

First up, a disclaimer. This note has nothing whatsoever to do with expecting with a pregnancy connotation.

Here's a poser. How many times have you ended up dejected, dismayed, disgruntled or any of the words that describe any of the emotions that lie in that spectrum?

Expectations are a part of the dowry that comes along with any relationship organisation-employee, husband-wife, parent-child, you name a relationship and there is a set of expectations.

Now, these expectations may be categorized as:

A) Natural: Parents nurture
B) Social: The love thy neighbour genre
C) Contractual: I pay, you deliver & vice-versa
D) Obligatory: Caring for elderly, grand-children or anything in the IOU space
E) Internal: Expectations based on self-image


While some of these expectations, more specifically categories A-C  set themselves, the one cardinal rule that applies to  categories D & E moreso category E is:

"An expectation not set, is an expectation not met"

Like any other rule there will be exceptions that will go on to prove the rule.


Coming back, here a few pointers based on wisdom on what not to expect and I'll try to address each of the categories that I mentioned above. These by the way are notes to self too.

Category A: Nature
A parent should not expect compliance to orders/commands in return for the nurturing:- Millions of years of human history bear testament to this and still do. Just take a look around if there is a parent-child act playing out the most likely speak of the parent is "don't go there" or "don't do this" or someother instruction beginning with a Don't.

Category B: Social
Do not expect courtesy:- This one is my pet peeve. The other day I was at a counter paying the quarterly fee at my daughters school. In walks a kid, a thirteener perhaps and get this... there's one counter with just me standing there and he puts his hand across my shoulder and tries to pay!! I just step aside allowed the kid to pay and just said one thing "Son, I think you are old enough to understand the concept of a queue." While that did elicit a quick apology, I did not sense any remorse.


Category C: Contractual
Do not expect professionalism:- Ha! I know this one resonates. Organisations are full of Johnnies who serve no fruitful purpose and are undeserving of their paycheck.Somehow, its become unreasonable for you to expect things delivered in order or in time from colleagues. Some  hide behind bosses, some behind friendship, neither want to move their asses!


Category D: Obligatory
Do not expect. As pessimistic or cynical as it may sound this is the category where it is important that when you did whatever you did for whomsoever you did it felt that you had indeed obliged.If not, too bad because that IOU post it that you have on your memory wall is headed straight for the recycle bin. When in doubt apply the rule!


Category E: Internal
No if, no but, only gut:- This one is all about you, it's about your opinion of yourself and it's how you feel you have done...in your gut. This is the trickiest of the categories and here's where the world will quote 

"Karmanye vadhikaraste ma phaleshu kadachna
Karmaphalehtur bhurma te sangostvakarmani"

for the uninitiated translated this verse from the Bhagwad Gita would mean:
"You have a right to perform your prescribed duty, but you are not entitled to the fruits of action। Never consider yourself the cause of the results of your activities, and never be attached to not doing your duty"

Taking a corporate example for this one again, one of Rewards and Recognition. All of us long for recognition of our efforts, applause makes everyone special. However, this is an expectation that is almost never set. We are all too nice to say it aloud.Is it wrong to say that I have busted or will be busting my back side towards this assignment/project, I deserve some recognition on this one?
Apparently, yes and I can feel the corporate 'same pinch' ;-)

Finally, to close a quote from Charles Dickens Great Expectations and I use it in the context of us being the designers of our set of expectations

“I am what you designed me to be.I am your blade. You cannot now complain if you also feel the hurt”