Ae Zindagi

ज़िंदगी तुझ से न कम मिला न ही ज़्यादा पाया
खुशियाँ मिली तो गमों का भी दौर आया
मिली दीवाली सी रोशनी तो कभी दिया तले अंधेरा पाया
तूने जब दी तनहाई मुड़ के देखा तो साथ कारवाँ पाया

क्यों करें शोक हम तेरी किसी बात का
क्यों ज़ाया करें अभी तुझ पे जस्बात
तू जो भी दे मज़ा तो हम पूरा लूटेंगे
गिरें गर कभी तो फिर उठ खड़े होंगे

इंतेज़ार है उस दिंन का जब होंगे तेरे सामने
तेरी हर एक देन को "once more" कहेंगे
तब तक किसी चीज़ से शिकवा है न किसी से मलाल
तू जो भी दे मंज़ूर है गवारा है हर हाल

Ek re-take milega kya?

Yesterday was a very dear friends birthday.
Yesterday was also a day spent reminiscing.
Yesterday was a day spent wondering what it would have been like.

How many times have you come across people with the capability to live in the moment...no matter what..?More often than not these people have the capability to inject that bit of enthusiasm into dullards like yours truly.

The words "Chal, kuch kartein hain..." (come,let's do something) keep ringing in my ears time and again. How do you not think about a person who has pretty much been a part of the start of everything in your life...sport, eating out, partying, rock music....love. The chal kuch kartein hain has been responsible for many a thing and more often than not getting us into trouble!!

Shakespeare famously said and I quote
"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages..."

Feel as though the script went horribly wrong somewhere. The curtains came down much earlier.
Just one thought though..."Ek re-take milega kya??"

Hazaron Khwaishein Aisi...

How many times do you rue your own fickle mind?

Does real life have Arjuns who just aim for the eye and see nothing else. Did the Tendulkar's,the Kishore Kumar's and the Bachchan's of the world not think, dream or desire anything else?

We all journey through life in phases. The circumstances, the aspirations and more importantly our capabilities; for better or for worse, keep changing. Is it then possible to have such single mindedness? Or is there the possiblity of this over-arching desire that pales all else?

They say life is all about making choices. How often has life presented you with choices that have been Black & White? Often it is about Like More vs. Like less and more often it is about Dislike More vs. Dislike Less. Some might say that it is a very pessimistic way of looking at things and might be right, but this is a view all the same.

Coming back to the seed of this blog.. an extremely popular sher (couplet) by Mirza Ghalib.

हज़ारों ख्ह्वाहिशें ऐसी की हर ख्ह्वाइश पे दम निकले
बहुत निकले मेरे अर्मां लेकिन फिर भी कम निकले

My translation of the couplet (a literal one)

Thousands of desires each worth dying for...

Many of my aspirations were fulfilled, yet they were too few...

Have heard this couplet many a time but have really been thinking about what Ghalib meant for over a week trying to interpret it and keyed in through this piece are my thoughts .

(The context also had a Hinglish movie by the same name directed by Sudhir Mishra starring Shiney Ahuja, KayKay Menon and Chitrangda Singh)

The play on words by Ghalib is interesting. The first part of the couplet talks about "Khwaishein" or Desires whereas the second talks of "Armaan" or Yearning/Aspiration and in my translation lies my intrepretation of this couplet.

Is there a distinction between Desire and Aspiration? Is there despair inspite of accomplishments?

Perhaps. Should we then realise these desires or be satisfied with aspirations that are fulfilled? Well, if there are thousand such desires and each one of them is worth dying for..I guess there is merit in punting on one. Either realising it in the long run or die trying. All other accomplishments/achievements are incidental, by-products at best, not the end product. That is the choice we need to make.

So here's to life, to desires, dreams and aspirations.

The Great Leveller

Centuries of attempts have not achieved
What a few decades of automobiles have.

Traffic of the 21st century has made devils of us all
Man or woman, old or young, rich or poor, short or tall

Give them a set of wheels and watch them change
Into this monster fiction would have found strange.
It jumps the signals and speeds away
Scant regard for tickets for it seldom pays
Lane sense doesn't mean a thing
Heck it cuts across at a crossing
This monster always seems to be in a hurry
A scratch here and a dent there are no cause for worry

The bike monster is on a trip its own
And does not seem to mind a broken bone
Over medians and foothpaths it rides
Nothing can stop it neither time nor tide
It takes pride and says this is who I am
and firmly believes honking is what clears a jam

The business monster drives while talking on the phone
the poor old monster in the jalopy thinks on the roads he's all alone
The lady monster shouldn't have a strand of hair out of place
She thinks the mirrors that are all around are meant to see her face
The teenage monster drives in the opposite lane and thinks its cool
Well! the folks waiting for the lights to change are just stupid fools

The drunken monster is the wayward guy
Who does'nt know how many drinks make him high
He has friends who do not make him wary
That one for the road is a thought thats scary

There's another monster who is a combination of all
Its called "Driver" and doesn't care if heavens fall

These are the accounts of a harried traveller
who believes traffic of today is a great leveller
Marx and the likes take a bow
Reforms can wait
coz socialism has a new face now.

Maa Tujhe Salaam

Must admit that we men have it easy. My six months as a father have been far easier that wifey's six as a mother.
It's incredible to keep your spirits up when forty winks are what you get instead of sleep, when you are worrying about the baby's next feed while you have fever @ 104 degrees, bathing her, making sure she gets her dose of vitamins and not forgetting that Mommy needs to take her Iron & Calcium too.
While I like to think that I do help and at other times justify not doing enough by thinking that we both have our roles to play; the fact of the matter is that all that I've done or been through does not add up to a tenth of the emotional drain this has been on her.

Over the past six months I have watched her juggle being a mother, a wife, a daughter, a daughter-in-law and re-establishing credentials at work with amazement.

And now as Mithi starts to utter what sound like words there is one constant fear (despite a lot of hope) that the first word that she'll say is "Papa" instead of "Mama". Just in case she does here's a huge IOU on her behalf. For all that you've gone through...Maa Tujhe Salaam!

Back on demand to close this piece are a few lines from a recent song by ASHANTI
"I would never let a tear fall from your eyes,
cause everything you are to me,
I could never let you hurt inside,
You mean so much and I'm so thankful that your in my life,
And I appreciate your love and all sacafice,
Without you by my side,I never could survive,
I wouldn't be the woman standing here before your eyes,
...You have given me life and I just want you to know,
that you're the reason I'm here today I will never let go,
To everything that we shared and nothing can compare
I thank you, I thank you, I thank you is what I'm saying.
...See I've been blessed to be raised by a woman so strong,
Cuz even when I did things wrong,
you would show me just the way that I should carry on.
You kept me safe and you protected me with all you had,
and anytime I was in need you gave your very last
Without you by my side, I never could survive,
I wouldnt be the woman standing here before your eyes.
....Said I thank you and I love you,
And I will never ever place no one above you.
Said I thank you and I love you,
and I will never ever place no one above you.
See you have given me life and I just want you to know,
that you're the reason I'm here today I will never let go,
to everything that we shared and nothing can compare
I thank you, I thank you, I thank you is what I'm saying."

Cozy Corners

Have you ever attended one of those workshops meant for team building? If you are a salaried professional with over 2 years of experience chances are you have, perhaps more than once.

Attended a workshop (again!!) last week that initiated my thought about how much or how little the team building achieves beyond the usual.

Typically, these workshops place you into a group. Would like to believe some science that gets put in while the groups are being formed and of course "randomness" is a scientific explaination. I have observed over several such workshops that there is a fair amount of bonhomie and banter while the groups are new or while they are in the midst of "team-assignments". The sad part however, is the fact that the moment there is a break, people like kids in kinder-garten run to the folks from their "own-gang".

Now the question is whether such exercises really facilitate better understanding between the larger "Team" by building new bridges that are desired for organisational good or do they just help put some more concrete on to the old one?

Why is it that people resist venturing out and building one more bridge? Is it because the comfort the trodden path offers is too welcoming? Why do most such exercises end up as corridor pleasantries which too subside over time?

Here, I would like to introduce a concept of the New Kid on the Block (NKOTB), when confronted with a situation most people stand by the sidelines and watch other kids play waiting for that one acknowledging smile;hoping someone would come up and pull them in. There are few however who themselves walk across and announce themselves or by virtue of their talent/skill manage to attract the attention of the others (remember roller-skating,cycling or hitting the hoops to be the major wows when I was a child).

Getting back..the reason I feel people rush back to their "gangs" is that they do not want to go through the process of "establishing credentials" time and again. Once they've done so with a certain set of people they'd rather deal with those set of expectations rather than manage new ones. Guess these gangs are like those warm blankets (my female friends would get the analogy), their corner of the room where they are secure...their cozy corners.

And now here's my take ..... The Theory of Comfort
As an individual ages and matures the social circle expands forming 4 distinct pockets (see image)
1)Family

2)Residence

3)Education and

4)Work
Within each of these pockets one gets to interact and associate with several others (degrees of separation taken into account) who then over a period of time settle at different levels of proximity (and these distances do change over time). The closest set in each of these pockets are what I call the "Cozy Corners". When put into situations individuals do venture deeper (either on their own initiative or others-refer NKOTB concept above) into these pockets; sometimes to add members and sometimes to replace. The guiding factor being the permanancy of this situation.

To sum up, workshops and the team assignments within them represent short-term situations consequently while people do establish linkages with new people they quickly come back to the comfort of their cozy corners and stay there till a more permanent situation confronts them.

Food for thought for all the consultants and folks who specialise in the area of people dynamics.

The Beggar

Here's a real old one I found in one of my old mails. Think I wrote this during school days, here goes..

I’ve seen many a time, a beggar.
He sits under the old oak you know,
Just down the street.
He sits there with his hands spread
Crying out just, just a rupee for today’s bread.
He is pitiable.
I wonder why he took to begging.
He is not disabled, that much I know
And his handicap, it never does show.
Was it joblessness? I asked.
But to this he just smiled.
My attempts to know him were futile,
And he’s been there all this while.
I’ve known him for ten years now
And till today I wonder, why?
But my questions get lost in his smile.

With Malice Towards One and All

Have you ever known someone who doesn't like you for no particular fault of yours??? Strangely but truly enough such people do exist.

The sad part is that because of their attitude they are able to set you off on a path of introspection. You go over every single encounter and wonder when you might have stepped on their toes. But ofcourse, you are not bound to come up with anything because you never did!

Take a step back and you realise that's how these people are. Nothing or no one is ever good enough for them.

In my opinion, such behaviour is perhaps triggered by some deep-seated feeling of insecurity; an inferiority complex or perhaps envy. This need not necessarily be because of you. These people have the unique capability of zeroing in on that one thing you perhaps are better at or have more of, overlooking all else and therefore you end up receiving the cold vibes that you do.

Honestly, all of us somewhere or the other have these feelings inside us too, may be we just end up managing them better. The set of people I'm referring to allow these feeling to manifest and also allow the negativity to pervade their whole being.

Is there a way out of this spiral? Well. I hope so.

Even though I continue to be amazed, I have learnt to live with it or should I say with them.

Anger Management

How often have you yelled at someone and ended up feeling miserable about it yourself? As Joe Fox (Tom Hanks character in You've Got Mail) put it"....when you eventually have the pleasure of saying the thing you want to say at the moment you’re wanting to say it... remorse eventually follows... "
You do not venture out looking to pick a fight with someone but as they say (sh)IT HAPPENS! What they forget to add is that it happens real fast. Often you do not have the time to think through your argument and that's when you draw up on the this reserve of hateful things that I believe is pre-wired into all of us but is very rarely used by us.

(Yes there are some who do it all the time....the world generally refers to them as a$%$^les)

How else do you explain this spiteful doppelganger? Alternately, how do you explain the remorse?
Perhaps this some kind of a sub-conscious way of venting things. Thinking of it...if you stay dormant for extended periods the damage that an eruption causes is more extensive. Perhaps because there is more vegetation around the dormant volcano than an active one. Extending that line of thought... it is also said that after all the dust settles down the area around the volcano is also very fertile.

So, manage your anger... it's OK to get angry once in a while. Just make sure when you do so, you are not on the road and if you are... then make sure that you are not outnumbered..if you are..you better have a Schumi doppelganger as well!!

Culture Shauk!!!

Funny how infectious certain things are.Take the culture bug for instance. (But ofcourse, I am using the term "Culture" to denote any pursuit in the direction of fine arts such as writing, music, dance etc).
Last I remember witnessing this kind of infection spread was during Halcyon. Coming back..work is fun these days and also the source of this infection. Quite a few of my colleagues are making time to write, learn dancing, learning to play the guitar etc.
Have a feeling that this environment of pursuing one's hobby or interest or "shauk" (in Urdu) has contributed to my becoming regular with my blog and also made me realise the value of what I touched in one of my earlier posts (Follow Your Dreams).
So this is an ode to all my colleagues. Thank you guys!!

Olympic Spirit

This is after a really long time that I'm writing 2 pieces at one go! So here's the other part of the double-bill!
They say the Olympic spirit is all about participating and not about winning. Yet others say winning is not everything it is the only thing.
Sports in my mind is all about performing better and or overcoming an opponent,a competitor or sometimes obstacles or hurdles and emerging a victor.
Was in China recently and made time to see the Great Wall. The realisation of the meaning of the Olympic Spirit is a resultant of my tryst with this man-made wonder.
I went to the Great Wall at Badaling,located more than 70 kilometers northwest from the center of Beijing City. I started of at the Base and took the trail to the left supposedly the shorter one (also the steeper one as I learnt)
As I climbed steps, I'd look up and what would be visible would be the security posts. On reaching the first one, I could see the next. I egged myself on saying it's not everyday that you visit the Great Wall. After crossing 3 posts/landings I thought I'd be at the summit, but there was more.It's then that I realised this would go on for over 1,500 miles (or whatever the length is) that this adventure was not about conquering something but about experiencing it. Here's to the Olympic spirit!!!

The Middle of the Road Theory

We've all heard about the middle of the road donkey that could not make up its mind. Flip the axis and we are now talking about traffic lanes.
This theory proposes that driving in the middle of road or the middle lane is beneficial.
Let me explain why. Most people drive in the middle for one or some of the following reasons:

a) Basically opportunists who want to keep options open and slip into the fast lane or the slow lane whenever there's a free run possible (large majority)

b) People who genuinely believe in the concept of lanes (Extinct) and

c) Generally or no particular reason (second majority)
Albeit, neither of the afore-mentioned tribe are committed to the middle lane, also the basis of the theory:
"Persistance with a cause in the light of others lack of commitment to it is a foundation for success"
Funny yes; silly, not really. The corporate world is replete with examples that support my theory be it the makers of the compact disc player not seeing it through or the inventors of the laser engine not pursuing the idea further.
So as the wise men say "Persistance Pays" only thing.. others not persisting pays even better!!!

The Futility of Education

Have you ever wondered why the urban populace is called educated and the rural populace literate?
Is someone with schooling necessarily educated?
Was travelling again so had more time to think. What set me thinking in this direction was the time I spent at the airports waiting for flights. One would assume that a large portion of the "flying" population would be educated. The so called educated people would perhaps have been taught virtues such as honesty, sharing, compassion etc. during the course of their education.
A few observations:
Schooling does not instill the concept of a queue. No matter which airport (for that matter billing counters of most services viz multiplexes, entertainment parks; popular weekend destinations of the urbane!) you go to people believe that they are Amitabh Bachchan who famously said in some movie whose name I fail to recollect(think it was Deewar)"Line vahin se shuru hoti hai jahan pe hum khadey ho jaatey hain". Fail to understand why years of schooling come to naught when we have to wait our turn. Am sure all those frequent flyers know that they have a seat reserved for them on the airplane, yet people clamour to get in as soon as the cab stops near the airplane.
Schooling does not teach you to read signs: The signage over the X-ray machine asks you to put your mobile phones in your bags yet, the number of people who do not is amazing. Agreed you can be pre-occupied and forget to do so but the board there is put up for precisely that reason.. to remind you!!
Schooling makes you turn a deaf ear to instructions: Come on be honest now..How many times have you got up from your seat or swithched on your mobile phone before the airplane came to a halt or the cabin doors were opened. Need I say more?
I could perhaps sight other examples; if I started writing about the way people drive on the roads it would end up becoming a book!!
Like I mentioned, I was travelling most of last week and a brief portion of my travels took me to some parts of rural India as well.
Now let me contrast the above with what schooling has meant to the people who perhaps do not fly or fly as often.
Schooling has meant that they have an option of seeking livelihood outside the confines of their village.
Schooling has meant that they have progressed as human beings though their village infrastructure has not.
Schooling has meant the difference between economic stagnance and prosperity.
All of the above in my book are what education should achieve. While the urban schools are just churning out more literates, its the schools in rural areas that are educating people.

Terms of Engagement:The Laws of Friends and Friendship

What brings a set of people together? How do they become a gang or group?
Recently I had some time alone and i spent it thinking about this aspect of life (at least my life). I hereby propound the Laws of Friends & Friendship. While the grammar is important the mathematical representations are WIP. So here goes...

Sudham's 1st Law: Law of Proximity & Convenience
Proximity to a set of people (same apartment building/same office cubicle/adjacent hostel rooms) nurtures formation of groups.

Strength of Friendship (Ф) = {Duration of proximity (t) x Convenience of Acess (c)}/{Mean Distance between friends x Time to traverse distance}

Sudham's 2nd Law: Law of Tastes& Purpose
Commanality of tastes (interest in sport/movies/books/music/quizzing) and the strength of purpose.
Strength of Friendship (Ф) = n x (strength of purpose)2

[where n is the number of common tastes and strength of purpose is a number between 1-3]

Sudham's 3rd Law: Law of Common Misery
Common misery (my job sucks/i am underpaid/my boss is an a$#$hole) breeds friendship and formation of groups
Strength of Friendship (Ф) = n x (Extent of misery)1/2
[where n is the number of such individuals and extent of misery is a number between 1-3]

Note: All the laws are open to comment NOT to question.

Suddenly Dad

This will perhaps be the shortest of the pieces written by me but I had to write this one. I had heard and read so much about how fatherhood changes you that I'd decided that I for one would not just say the right thing to say (I mean who'd venture out and say that having a kid is OOOOOOK nothing special..). Now, I know better. While I am trying, I can assure you that words CANNOT describe the way I feel. As sissy as it may sound what I did feel was just hold her in my arms sit in a quiet corner and cry. Yes, you read it right.. cry. It is an overwhelming feeling to see, hold, touch, smell this small little life that has been created with your contribution. I do not know how long this euphoria will last, what I do know is that I do not want it to end!!!

And to describe the rest of how I feel...a few lines from a song made popular by Aerosmith. This one is for my daughter....

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While youre far away dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure
Dont want to close my eyes
I dont want to fall asleep
Cause Id miss you baby
And I dont want to miss a thing..

...I dont want to miss one smile
I dont want to miss one kiss
I just want to be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just want to hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time