Maa Tujhe Salaam

Must admit that we men have it easy. My six months as a father have been far easier that wifey's six as a mother.
It's incredible to keep your spirits up when forty winks are what you get instead of sleep, when you are worrying about the baby's next feed while you have fever @ 104 degrees, bathing her, making sure she gets her dose of vitamins and not forgetting that Mommy needs to take her Iron & Calcium too.
While I like to think that I do help and at other times justify not doing enough by thinking that we both have our roles to play; the fact of the matter is that all that I've done or been through does not add up to a tenth of the emotional drain this has been on her.

Over the past six months I have watched her juggle being a mother, a wife, a daughter, a daughter-in-law and re-establishing credentials at work with amazement.

And now as Mithi starts to utter what sound like words there is one constant fear (despite a lot of hope) that the first word that she'll say is "Papa" instead of "Mama". Just in case she does here's a huge IOU on her behalf. For all that you've gone through...Maa Tujhe Salaam!

Back on demand to close this piece are a few lines from a recent song by ASHANTI
"I would never let a tear fall from your eyes,
cause everything you are to me,
I could never let you hurt inside,
You mean so much and I'm so thankful that your in my life,
And I appreciate your love and all sacafice,
Without you by my side,I never could survive,
I wouldn't be the woman standing here before your eyes,
...You have given me life and I just want you to know,
that you're the reason I'm here today I will never let go,
To everything that we shared and nothing can compare
I thank you, I thank you, I thank you is what I'm saying.
...See I've been blessed to be raised by a woman so strong,
Cuz even when I did things wrong,
you would show me just the way that I should carry on.
You kept me safe and you protected me with all you had,
and anytime I was in need you gave your very last
Without you by my side, I never could survive,
I wouldnt be the woman standing here before your eyes.
....Said I thank you and I love you,
And I will never ever place no one above you.
Said I thank you and I love you,
and I will never ever place no one above you.
See you have given me life and I just want you to know,
that you're the reason I'm here today I will never let go,
to everything that we shared and nothing can compare
I thank you, I thank you, I thank you is what I'm saying."

Cozy Corners

Have you ever attended one of those workshops meant for team building? If you are a salaried professional with over 2 years of experience chances are you have, perhaps more than once.

Attended a workshop (again!!) last week that initiated my thought about how much or how little the team building achieves beyond the usual.

Typically, these workshops place you into a group. Would like to believe some science that gets put in while the groups are being formed and of course "randomness" is a scientific explaination. I have observed over several such workshops that there is a fair amount of bonhomie and banter while the groups are new or while they are in the midst of "team-assignments". The sad part however, is the fact that the moment there is a break, people like kids in kinder-garten run to the folks from their "own-gang".

Now the question is whether such exercises really facilitate better understanding between the larger "Team" by building new bridges that are desired for organisational good or do they just help put some more concrete on to the old one?

Why is it that people resist venturing out and building one more bridge? Is it because the comfort the trodden path offers is too welcoming? Why do most such exercises end up as corridor pleasantries which too subside over time?

Here, I would like to introduce a concept of the New Kid on the Block (NKOTB), when confronted with a situation most people stand by the sidelines and watch other kids play waiting for that one acknowledging smile;hoping someone would come up and pull them in. There are few however who themselves walk across and announce themselves or by virtue of their talent/skill manage to attract the attention of the others (remember roller-skating,cycling or hitting the hoops to be the major wows when I was a child).

Getting back..the reason I feel people rush back to their "gangs" is that they do not want to go through the process of "establishing credentials" time and again. Once they've done so with a certain set of people they'd rather deal with those set of expectations rather than manage new ones. Guess these gangs are like those warm blankets (my female friends would get the analogy), their corner of the room where they are secure...their cozy corners.

And now here's my take ..... The Theory of Comfort
As an individual ages and matures the social circle expands forming 4 distinct pockets (see image)
1)Family

2)Residence

3)Education and

4)Work
Within each of these pockets one gets to interact and associate with several others (degrees of separation taken into account) who then over a period of time settle at different levels of proximity (and these distances do change over time). The closest set in each of these pockets are what I call the "Cozy Corners". When put into situations individuals do venture deeper (either on their own initiative or others-refer NKOTB concept above) into these pockets; sometimes to add members and sometimes to replace. The guiding factor being the permanancy of this situation.

To sum up, workshops and the team assignments within them represent short-term situations consequently while people do establish linkages with new people they quickly come back to the comfort of their cozy corners and stay there till a more permanent situation confronts them.

Food for thought for all the consultants and folks who specialise in the area of people dynamics.

The Beggar

Here's a real old one I found in one of my old mails. Think I wrote this during school days, here goes..

I’ve seen many a time, a beggar.
He sits under the old oak you know,
Just down the street.
He sits there with his hands spread
Crying out just, just a rupee for today’s bread.
He is pitiable.
I wonder why he took to begging.
He is not disabled, that much I know
And his handicap, it never does show.
Was it joblessness? I asked.
But to this he just smiled.
My attempts to know him were futile,
And he’s been there all this while.
I’ve known him for ten years now
And till today I wonder, why?
But my questions get lost in his smile.

With Malice Towards One and All

Have you ever known someone who doesn't like you for no particular fault of yours??? Strangely but truly enough such people do exist.

The sad part is that because of their attitude they are able to set you off on a path of introspection. You go over every single encounter and wonder when you might have stepped on their toes. But ofcourse, you are not bound to come up with anything because you never did!

Take a step back and you realise that's how these people are. Nothing or no one is ever good enough for them.

In my opinion, such behaviour is perhaps triggered by some deep-seated feeling of insecurity; an inferiority complex or perhaps envy. This need not necessarily be because of you. These people have the unique capability of zeroing in on that one thing you perhaps are better at or have more of, overlooking all else and therefore you end up receiving the cold vibes that you do.

Honestly, all of us somewhere or the other have these feelings inside us too, may be we just end up managing them better. The set of people I'm referring to allow these feeling to manifest and also allow the negativity to pervade their whole being.

Is there a way out of this spiral? Well. I hope so.

Even though I continue to be amazed, I have learnt to live with it or should I say with them.

Anger Management

How often have you yelled at someone and ended up feeling miserable about it yourself? As Joe Fox (Tom Hanks character in You've Got Mail) put it"....when you eventually have the pleasure of saying the thing you want to say at the moment you’re wanting to say it... remorse eventually follows... "
You do not venture out looking to pick a fight with someone but as they say (sh)IT HAPPENS! What they forget to add is that it happens real fast. Often you do not have the time to think through your argument and that's when you draw up on the this reserve of hateful things that I believe is pre-wired into all of us but is very rarely used by us.

(Yes there are some who do it all the time....the world generally refers to them as a$%$^les)

How else do you explain this spiteful doppelganger? Alternately, how do you explain the remorse?
Perhaps this some kind of a sub-conscious way of venting things. Thinking of it...if you stay dormant for extended periods the damage that an eruption causes is more extensive. Perhaps because there is more vegetation around the dormant volcano than an active one. Extending that line of thought... it is also said that after all the dust settles down the area around the volcano is also very fertile.

So, manage your anger... it's OK to get angry once in a while. Just make sure when you do so, you are not on the road and if you are... then make sure that you are not outnumbered..if you are..you better have a Schumi doppelganger as well!!

Culture Shauk!!!

Funny how infectious certain things are.Take the culture bug for instance. (But ofcourse, I am using the term "Culture" to denote any pursuit in the direction of fine arts such as writing, music, dance etc).
Last I remember witnessing this kind of infection spread was during Halcyon. Coming back..work is fun these days and also the source of this infection. Quite a few of my colleagues are making time to write, learn dancing, learning to play the guitar etc.
Have a feeling that this environment of pursuing one's hobby or interest or "shauk" (in Urdu) has contributed to my becoming regular with my blog and also made me realise the value of what I touched in one of my earlier posts (Follow Your Dreams).
So this is an ode to all my colleagues. Thank you guys!!

Olympic Spirit

This is after a really long time that I'm writing 2 pieces at one go! So here's the other part of the double-bill!
They say the Olympic spirit is all about participating and not about winning. Yet others say winning is not everything it is the only thing.
Sports in my mind is all about performing better and or overcoming an opponent,a competitor or sometimes obstacles or hurdles and emerging a victor.
Was in China recently and made time to see the Great Wall. The realisation of the meaning of the Olympic Spirit is a resultant of my tryst with this man-made wonder.
I went to the Great Wall at Badaling,located more than 70 kilometers northwest from the center of Beijing City. I started of at the Base and took the trail to the left supposedly the shorter one (also the steeper one as I learnt)
As I climbed steps, I'd look up and what would be visible would be the security posts. On reaching the first one, I could see the next. I egged myself on saying it's not everyday that you visit the Great Wall. After crossing 3 posts/landings I thought I'd be at the summit, but there was more.It's then that I realised this would go on for over 1,500 miles (or whatever the length is) that this adventure was not about conquering something but about experiencing it. Here's to the Olympic spirit!!!

The Middle of the Road Theory

We've all heard about the middle of the road donkey that could not make up its mind. Flip the axis and we are now talking about traffic lanes.
This theory proposes that driving in the middle of road or the middle lane is beneficial.
Let me explain why. Most people drive in the middle for one or some of the following reasons:

a) Basically opportunists who want to keep options open and slip into the fast lane or the slow lane whenever there's a free run possible (large majority)

b) People who genuinely believe in the concept of lanes (Extinct) and

c) Generally or no particular reason (second majority)
Albeit, neither of the afore-mentioned tribe are committed to the middle lane, also the basis of the theory:
"Persistance with a cause in the light of others lack of commitment to it is a foundation for success"
Funny yes; silly, not really. The corporate world is replete with examples that support my theory be it the makers of the compact disc player not seeing it through or the inventors of the laser engine not pursuing the idea further.
So as the wise men say "Persistance Pays" only thing.. others not persisting pays even better!!!

The Futility of Education

Have you ever wondered why the urban populace is called educated and the rural populace literate?
Is someone with schooling necessarily educated?
Was travelling again so had more time to think. What set me thinking in this direction was the time I spent at the airports waiting for flights. One would assume that a large portion of the "flying" population would be educated. The so called educated people would perhaps have been taught virtues such as honesty, sharing, compassion etc. during the course of their education.
A few observations:
Schooling does not instill the concept of a queue. No matter which airport (for that matter billing counters of most services viz multiplexes, entertainment parks; popular weekend destinations of the urbane!) you go to people believe that they are Amitabh Bachchan who famously said in some movie whose name I fail to recollect(think it was Deewar)"Line vahin se shuru hoti hai jahan pe hum khadey ho jaatey hain". Fail to understand why years of schooling come to naught when we have to wait our turn. Am sure all those frequent flyers know that they have a seat reserved for them on the airplane, yet people clamour to get in as soon as the cab stops near the airplane.
Schooling does not teach you to read signs: The signage over the X-ray machine asks you to put your mobile phones in your bags yet, the number of people who do not is amazing. Agreed you can be pre-occupied and forget to do so but the board there is put up for precisely that reason.. to remind you!!
Schooling makes you turn a deaf ear to instructions: Come on be honest now..How many times have you got up from your seat or swithched on your mobile phone before the airplane came to a halt or the cabin doors were opened. Need I say more?
I could perhaps sight other examples; if I started writing about the way people drive on the roads it would end up becoming a book!!
Like I mentioned, I was travelling most of last week and a brief portion of my travels took me to some parts of rural India as well.
Now let me contrast the above with what schooling has meant to the people who perhaps do not fly or fly as often.
Schooling has meant that they have an option of seeking livelihood outside the confines of their village.
Schooling has meant that they have progressed as human beings though their village infrastructure has not.
Schooling has meant the difference between economic stagnance and prosperity.
All of the above in my book are what education should achieve. While the urban schools are just churning out more literates, its the schools in rural areas that are educating people.

Terms of Engagement:The Laws of Friends and Friendship

What brings a set of people together? How do they become a gang or group?
Recently I had some time alone and i spent it thinking about this aspect of life (at least my life). I hereby propound the Laws of Friends & Friendship. While the grammar is important the mathematical representations are WIP. So here goes...

Sudham's 1st Law: Law of Proximity & Convenience
Proximity to a set of people (same apartment building/same office cubicle/adjacent hostel rooms) nurtures formation of groups.

Strength of Friendship (Ф) = {Duration of proximity (t) x Convenience of Acess (c)}/{Mean Distance between friends x Time to traverse distance}

Sudham's 2nd Law: Law of Tastes& Purpose
Commanality of tastes (interest in sport/movies/books/music/quizzing) and the strength of purpose.
Strength of Friendship (Ф) = n x (strength of purpose)2

[where n is the number of common tastes and strength of purpose is a number between 1-3]

Sudham's 3rd Law: Law of Common Misery
Common misery (my job sucks/i am underpaid/my boss is an a$#$hole) breeds friendship and formation of groups
Strength of Friendship (Ф) = n x (Extent of misery)1/2
[where n is the number of such individuals and extent of misery is a number between 1-3]

Note: All the laws are open to comment NOT to question.

Suddenly Dad

This will perhaps be the shortest of the pieces written by me but I had to write this one. I had heard and read so much about how fatherhood changes you that I'd decided that I for one would not just say the right thing to say (I mean who'd venture out and say that having a kid is OOOOOOK nothing special..). Now, I know better. While I am trying, I can assure you that words CANNOT describe the way I feel. As sissy as it may sound what I did feel was just hold her in my arms sit in a quiet corner and cry. Yes, you read it right.. cry. It is an overwhelming feeling to see, hold, touch, smell this small little life that has been created with your contribution. I do not know how long this euphoria will last, what I do know is that I do not want it to end!!!

And to describe the rest of how I feel...a few lines from a song made popular by Aerosmith. This one is for my daughter....

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While youre far away dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure
Dont want to close my eyes
I dont want to fall asleep
Cause Id miss you baby
And I dont want to miss a thing..

...I dont want to miss one smile
I dont want to miss one kiss
I just want to be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just want to hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time

9 Months...

When does one actually grow up??

The answer to that question perhaps lies in this quote by Wordsworth "The child is the father of the man".

My recently found understanding (albeit my own interpretation!) of this profound statement is courtesy imminent fatherhood.

The routine visits to the doctor are something that I look forward to; specially the one's that involve a scan. Getting to see your unborn child is perhaps the most numbing experience...it's at that moment that you grow up...become a man.

They say that women owing to the fact that they carry the baby inside them and have a physical connect have a headstart in terms of feelings of parenthood. Men, on the other hand, perhaps take a while after the baby is born and has warmed up to them.

Guess technology has contributed in changing that. Earlier, you perhaps waited for the woman to say "Hey!! It's kicking!!" and tried to imagine how it'd feel. Now atleast you have a connect... you put your hands on the tummy and can visualise the movement.

We men have it easy..get a bundle of joy without enduring what our woman folk have to contend with..bulging tummies..haywire hormones...aches, pains..what not?

Am sure men and women both have different reasons for looking forward to the end of 9 months!!

A la Humphrey Bogart...I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship..

And to sign off a song by Paul Anka featuring Odia Coates .. an ode to the person who's making it all happen...

Havin' my baby
What a lovely way of sayin' how much you love me
Havin' my baby
What a lovely way of sayin' what you're thinkin' of me
I can see it, face is glowin'
I can see in your eyes
I'm happy you know it
That you're havin' my baby

You're the woman I love and I love what it's doin' to ya
Havin' my baby
You're a woman in love and I love what's goin' through ya

The need inside you I see it showin'
Whoa, the seed inside ya Baby, do you feel it growin'
Are you happy you know it
That you're havin' my baby

Roots

How important is it to have a town that you could call yours?

Someplace which would always be home...

You can't always explain this feeling but one does get attached to places..more often than not these are places where you grew up..despite all their shortcomings some corner of your heart always craves and wishes that you could find your way back.

The point I'm trying to make is that it's not just about the house you lived in..there's so much more associated with a hometown...it is what lies beneath the surface..the people you know, the kids you played with and those you went to school with, the evening hangouts and the neighbourhood store...those quaint places..streets and corners with anecdotes associated with them... always knowing the best place to find most any thing that you could think of..food, shopping for clothes, you name it. I guess this is what constitutes your roots.

You might spend half your life away from your hometown but it's always a special feeling when you are back. And no it's not something that lasts a day or two I've noticed that it continues even after you leave..of course with knowledge of the fact that you'll be back again. But what if you knew that the next time you are back there would be no place you could call home?? If you had to stay overnight in a hotel or at a friend's or relatives place?

The word that closest describes that feeling is uprooted!!!

And to close a few lines from this classic by Jerry Lewis

The old hometown looks the same

As I step down from the train....

....It's good to touch the green, green grass of home.

The old house is still standing

Though the paint is cracked and dry

And there's that old oak tree

that I used to play on

Down the lane I'd walk ...

It's good to touch the green, green grass of home.

...Then I awake and look around me

At the gray walls that surround me

And I realized that I was only dreaming..

Getting High on Malls

What is it with shopping and women?
Is it some thing that can be ascribed to the paleolithic times when the women had to collect berries and flowers from around the habitat whilst the men hunted? If it is so it sure has evolvled into an artform (which for some strange reason men simply cannot appreciate!!).
Why do they have to check 4 different stores before they decide? And boy can they haggle!! They might not get along otherwise but send them shopping and they get along like a house on fire. That's the amazing power of shopping. My theory is that much like chocolates shopping triggers/tickles something somewhere which leads to a biochemical reaction within the female anatomy that makes them happy. What probably ruins that high is going shopping with a man. As hard as we may try we can never be convincingly interested in the object de'attention (Which by the way in a blink can change from a wineglass to a curtain!!)
And there's a reason...men you see hand were hunters and therefore tend to have a very focussed approach to shopping Which basically means... enter mall...choose shirt...walk out.
That brings me to the topic of malls in general. While the economists might be busy attributing the mushrooming of malls to the increasing disposable income we should not forget that these malls are catering to this primitive need for collecting berries and flowers!! It's just that with increasing education and employment this need has found a manifestation in the form of shopping. During paleolithic times they'd go out to pick berries but they'd pick flowers too..in the modern times they go shopping for groceries and comeback with cosmetics, clothes and shoes too!
They can shop when they are feeling low, they can shop when they're on a high. They can shop when they want to socialise or even when they want to be left alone.
And at some level I'm sure all women live every word of this song made popular by Barenaked Ladies

Well you know that it's going to be alright

I think it's gonna be alright

Everything will always be alright

When we go shopping
Well you know that it's going to be alright

When we go shopping

It's always lalalalala...

Shopping spree begin

It's always lalalalala...

Everybody wins
So shutup

And never stop

Let's shop

Until we drop
...Shopping with our friends

Shopping once again...
...It's never enough

Until you've got all the stuff

Too Much Love...

Have you ever been in love with something or someone so much that it hurt? In love so much that you started detesting it??

Think that applies to not only people but things you do as well. This other day wifey dear made fabulous Aloo ke Paranthey and before I realised I'd downed 6 parathas laden with ghee (just a clarification...my pleasantly plump appearance is NOT a result of such binges!!) the rest of the day was too put very mildly, uncomfortable. Don't know why but I seem to have this tendency to take to go overboard with my likes, whether it be favourite dishes or even work at times.

Coming back to the point; I happen to know someone who has spent the better part of life in love with this other person (who too I happen to know rather well!). Much like Liz Taylor and Richard Burton they too have been IN and OUT of love often. Strangely though all that pent up love seems to manifest itself in different forms in both these people. Whilst it's ignorance and silence for one, it is a very open and bitter topic for the other.

My take..why not cherish the times you've had together, accept reality and move ahead. It's the continuance, rather obstinately, of being in love that causes the hurt and anger. Easier said than done? Well, all I can say is that it does deserve an honest attempt. It's not gonna be easy but I am sure there always are positives that one can carry from soured relationships.

And in the end as usual here's the song (Courtesy:Queen) that sums it all up

Too much love will kill you

If you can't make up your mind

Torn between the lover

And the love you leave behind

You're headed for disaster

'cos you never read the signs

Too much love will kill you

Every time.....

..I used to bring you sunshine

Now all I ever do is bring you down

How would it be if you were standing in my shoes

Can't you see that it's impossible to choose

No there's no making sense of it

Every way I go I'm bound to lose

Too much love will kill you

Just as sure as none at all

It'll drain the power that's in you

Make you plead and scream and crawl

And the pain will make you crazy

You're the victim of your crime

Too much love will kill you

Every time

Simple Pleasures

Whoever said that romance goes out of the marriage after a few years needs to rethink. Flower and dance routine apart there's nothing that's complicated about romancing.

Looking back at the times we've (myself and wifey dearest) had as a couple, the most memorablemoments are those that we spent doing things like cooking a meal,collecting sea-shells at the beach, going half-way across town just to eat golgappas from a particular stall...the list is long but not forgotten.

I probably have said this before in FRIENDS and it holds true in this context as well;the key is to create one more such moment to reminisce.

I recently switched jobs and had to move from one city to another. Unfortunately that has meant spending time away from each other. The proximity has helped as we atleast get to meet on weekends. While I've taken up an apartment it's not furnished and that helped us create another memory.

What I'm about to narrate might seem to many as mundane but for us this is an addition to our list of memorable moments.

To cut a long story short, it was a weekend at a new place with not many friends..obviously the plan was to have a couple of drinks. So we went out bought some vodka and juice and got back home only to realise that we had no glasses!

Determined to stick to our plan, we eventually found a solution. Strangely enough while we were shopping we'd picked up a kitchen knife! We cut out the bases off the Kinley bottles and made glasses out of them. Term us what you may but it was fun.

As usual I'll close this one with a couple of lines from a relatively unknown song of Minnie Riperton (more popular for her song Loving You).

"The simple things
The lovely simple things
The sunset and the dawn
The simple things
The lovely simple things
I could go on and on and on

For the simple pleasures
Are worth more than treasures
That your paper money ever bring

This song is old, this song is new
This song is me, this song is you
I like to play out in the rain
I like the sun to shine again
And again and again

Each day so many things to see
And I'm so glad I am me
And you, my friends, are pretty too
And I'm so glad that you are you"

Follow Your Dreams

How is it that when you love doing something you always find energy to keep going? Well, that should be one reason why you NEED to LOVE what you do.

The past couple of months have been somewhat of a learning experience for me. I have stood by the side and watched in awe as my wife juggled her career, a nascent passion for theatre and visiting in-laws. Yes, there were times when she was at her wits end on whether to take a day off from work to spend time with mom and dad in-law or to spend an extra couple of hours at the workshop. All in all, tired or not, the entire workshop experience and then actually going ahead and doing the stage shows has put a glow equivalent to a 1000 watt bulb on m'ladies face. That and that alone would tell anyone how much this whole two months of jugglery has been worth it from her perspective.

Which brings me back to my point of one having to really love what you do.

Another example that springs to mind is of this friend of mine from my engineering days who transformed himself from a guy with no sense of rhythm or aptitude for music to an absolutely amazing guitarist who composes his own stuff today. It was nothing but sheer passion for this one thing that he wanted to do. He once shared with me that when he saw some of us guys jammin for our college cul-fest he promised to himself that the next year he'd be up there playing music and by jove he did!! Today, he's light years ahead of all of us guys whom he saw on stage.

I guess all of us at some point in our lives, come to a point where we take that leap of faith and just jump into something we always wanted to do but never really got around to.

So here's an ode to to all those who did....and for the rest of us who're still waiting, here's lyrics from a song performed by Poco that just stuck.....

There are images around us, in everything we see
Some are real and some are fantasy
To the one who sees his vision, to the child who lives his dreams
You're the one to decide what you're gonna be

So give it your best, and don't worry about what some may say
Follow your dreams, it's really all that you can do
Give it your best, and remember that life is what you choose
Follow your dreams, and do what you love to do

There are places you'll remember, and times you may recall
Faces that refresh your memory
May the thoughts that you will picture, help you come to see
That you're the one to decide what you're gonna be

So give it your best, and don't worry about what some may say
Follow your dreams, it's really all that you can do
And give it your best, and remember that life is what you choose
Go on, follow your dreams and do it,
Follow your dreams, and do what you love to do...

Cherish

I have often noticed that most us tend to change topics when the discussion gravitates to someone that is no more or at times about someone who's no more a part of our lives.
My strong belief is that this approach seldom eases or gives vent to the hurt or pain that we are so carefully attempting to guard. Also perhaps an indication that we have not reconciled to the facts.
If life is a story strung with memories and pictures of the past; many beautiful ones and a few of them painful; then does it not make more sense to look back at the times you had?
What is it that makes us walk away from this walk down the memory lane? Is it like a smoker getting back to smoking? Are we really afraid of the craving for more that this memory jog will create?
Such fears I guess, are unfounded.
Every time you reminisce it's actually an emotional roller-coaster... you are bound to cover the happy and the sad both!
Like I mentioned earlier in Separate Lives there are many people whom we're close to, but we still do not make a serious attempt at staying in touch with them or know that you're never gone see them again. If we can dig out ole tales of our times with them, then why not people in the category we are discussing.
My reasons for saying so??? Well, these are perhaps another set of people whom you'll not see or meet...These are people with whom you had better if not equally great times with.
I remember reading somewhere that if a lifetime is nothing but moments you remember...and if you could somehow compress all these moments together...Then, a lifetime is perhaps just a couple of days!!!!
So why not cherish these special moments spent with those special people in our lives?
Couldn't help summing this up with a few lines from a song by Kool and the Gang..
"Cherish the love we have... Let's cherish the life we live... Let's cherish every moment we have been given..........."

Separate Lives

How many people do we get to know during the course of our life time? When we meet them, while we meet them do we pause and think about the kind of impact they make, are making or will make on our lives??

Relationships too like many things else, build up into a crescendo and then fade. We meet people, make friends, spend lots of time together, become almost inseparable and yet when we part ways, seem to go on for years without even stopping to think what happened to the person with whom we spent so much time with.

The kids in the neighbourhood, classmates at school, at graduation, at post-grad, colleagues at work; where do we not have an example?

We move through different countries, cities, organisations and keep adding to this list of people whose status would be "Not known".

Our time and thoughts are tied with our work and our immediate family.


And then one fine day there's a chance encounter, a mail, a phone call and it snowballs, again building up into a crescendo only to fade yet again. Another memory created, a record updated.

We journey through life...meeting some people at some point again...never to meet a few others and surely meeting new ones as we continue living.... our separate lives!

Twilight: The Nothingness of Transition

How often have we all cribbed about the fact that we are overworked? I guess despite the fact that we get to hear it ever so often; it’s not a REAL crib. We actually love the fact that we have enough and more to do. In someway being given more work to do seems to be something to be proud of for most (for all you know you might be the docile donkey that doesn't throw tantrums!).

Coming back, the realisation that you NEED to work only comes during spells where you have none!! They say that work expands to fill available time; the converse in my opinion does not hold and time seems to be stubbornly in-elastic refusing to fleet when there is nothing to do.

I have witnessed (and lately experienced) in professional/working life, what I’d term the nothingness of transition. This is the time span after a change (a role change/a change of job) where you are not expected to be contributing in a real manner in your new role.

Takes me back to the days as a kid and reminds me of the times when you had to move into a new neighbourhood. The feeling of being the new kid on the block, the having to stand and watch the other kids play…

Well, that experience also reminds me of how life prepares you…the fact that you need to deal with the change. You need to make the first move and go and talk with the kid who acknowledges your presence, perhaps smiles and waves at you. The other option ofcourse is to wait till some kid makes that first move.

Be that as it may, it’s twilight that signals the change, it’s neither day nor night.. ….and in this nothingness lies its tranquil beauty… the hues of dawn or even dusk with its soft sun…. one a symbol of a new beginning, the other a meaningful end.